Time is so hard to grasp. There are seasons in life when time seems to have you stuck in place. Your heart longs to move quickly past the place where you are at, but time seems to hold you hostage and each day seems as the day before. Your endurance and faith are tested.
Then there are seasons when you cannot seem to slow time down. You find yourself back at the dinner table in what feels like moments from finishing breakfast. Your heart aches to stay in the moment but time shows no regard. You are forced into tomorrow and yesterday is quickly fading in the distance. Your priorities and purpose are tested.
Many times I find myself teetering between both perspectives. In fact, every day there comes a special time when my two perspectives collide. It happens as I sit on a plastic green stepping stool infront of our two-year-old daughter, who is sitting on the potty telling me, “Hold my hand.” For whatever reason, each day she wants me to be there with her, holding her hand, as she grunts and holds her breath trying to accomplish her task. So I sit, once again, just as I did the day before, and the day before that. I sit stuck on a green plastic stool infront of a toilet waiting on a two-year-old child to do her business. Time, and I, sit still.
It is in that moment that the Lord has allowed me to catch a glimpse of my daughter that continues to challenge my perspective of time. In that moment, I imagine her much older, grunting and trying to breathe her way through a very different task, the task of labor pains. I imagine her and wonder, “Will you still want me holding your hand?”
I sit on my stool, and I hold her hand in a sweet moment that I know will be a distant memory faster than I can imagine. I know soon she will not need me or want me to hold her hand in the bathroom anymore. My prayer is that I can somehow hold on to this moment in my heart and at the same time place in her heart a deep assurance that no matter what season in her life she is in, I will be willing to hold her hand. So, I grasp her hand and I try to grasp a greater understanding of God-given time. Am I making the most of my short time here on Earth with her and those who I love? Truly, that is what matters most.
Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. -Psalm 90:12