Every now and then I find myself unveiling a piece of my heart in my writing that I don’t necessarily feel comfortable revealing. This is one those times. I wanted to share in total transparency my thoughts from earlier today. My hope is that by doing so other parents will see that they are not alone in their frustrations and that there is a way to refocus in those moments when you are totally overwhelmed…
2:22 p.m., Today
“I am so far behind in laundry that I have an entire pack-n-play filled with laundry to fold, a full load in the wash and in the dryer and four more loads to run.The sink is overflowing with dirty dishes and the dishwasher needs emptied. There are toys and blankets, video tapes, shoes, crayons, cheerios, and smashed carrots covering the floor.
I have stacks and stacks of paper to file. Many letters still unopened. Tons of homeschool papers needing graded and kids sitting at the table ready to start another lesson. I didn’t write my first graders lesson plan yet.
I need to list events on our company website. They should have been listed yesterday. Two year old is roaming. Baby is fussing. Older boys picking at each other and being loud.
I ate lunch standing up. Four pieces of a quesadilla. One piece as I was making everyone else’s. Another on the way to taking my daughter to sit on the potty. Another after wiping her bottom. One in between running loads of laundry.
This is my life.
Dear God, I need you to overwhelm me. Pile on sweet moments of profound awareness of your love. Scatter your blessings everywhere I walk. Store up sweet words for me, may you send more and more each day. Speak to me loudly as I wait for your plans for me to be revealed. Overwhelm me with your peace, a sense of place and order when everything around me is hectic and out-of-place. I love you Lord. May your love overwhelm me more than anything in this world because your love for me is what matters most.”