Who’s Two?

When two-year olds are happy, they are really happy. They are dancing and singing and trying to get all those around to join in. You will find yourself singing Jingle Bells in Walmart during the month of March when you join in the joy of a two-year old.  You will find yourself dancing in ways you would never dance. You will run when you would have never ran. You will find yourself in all kinds of places you have not fit in for years, like the tunnel slides at the playgrounds and the inside of clothing racks, as you attempt to follow their lead.

When two year-olds are sweet, they are very sweet. They will kiss your boo-boos and wipe back the hairs that fall in your face. They will whisper in your ear, “I whisper to you.” They will bring you your shoes, your hair brush, and just about anything else that they can anticipate you are going to need.  They will cuddle with you in the morning and they will share just about anything with you if you ask very nicely.  Just don’t take it without asking because when a two-year old gets mad, they get really mad.

Last week our two-year old daughter was eating dinner, as she usually does next to her brothers. She would share anything they asked her for. Her brother asked, “May I have an apple?” She respondsed with a sweet voice and smile,  “Sure.” Her brother then asked, “May I have some of your ketchup?” Once again she responded with the same sweet voice and smile, “Sure.” She was all smiles and happy faces until it happened. Her brother went for the second dip of her ketchup without asking. In a moment her face changed and all her sweetness flew out the window. Filled with rage, she turned to her brother and screamed, “Don’t eat my ketchup!” Her brother, knowing her all too well, quickly responded by once again politely asking, “May I have more of your ketchup?” In that very moment her sweet little face reappeared. Rage left and in a gentle voice she replied, “Sure.”

Even Christian parents, can act much like two-year olds. When my children are sweet to me and polite I am usually all smiles.  When they bicker at each other, continuously whine, or open the refrigerator for the sixth time without asking, my sweet voice and smile can change as quickly as any two-year old’s.  I can lash out in a moments notice. If I do, I then feel guilty for once again falling into a two-year old’s behavior. I almost don’t even feel worthy to ask God or my child to forgive me for making the same mistake of not controlling my emotions. Almost… But then I am reminded of something. I am reminded of the way my husband and my son respond to my daughter.

Every time our two-year old daughter calls my husband, he always answers, “Yes, sweetheart?” It does not matter if she has been everything but a sweetheart all day long. She may be tired and cranky and down right unbearable. Still, if her tone changes and she reverts back to her sweet face and calls, “Daddy?” his response is always the same. He responds, “Yes, sweetheart?” He will hold her. He may correct her,  but he will never withdraw his love or his listening ear.

My son never holds a grudge against his sister, not even after she has finished screaming in his face. He is not phased by her behavior. He usually will reapprach her or try to show her something else to get her mind off things. God’s love for me is even greater than my husband’s love for our daughter. Jesus knows me better than my son knows his sister.  God is able to see us and call us his sweetheart every time we call on Him, even when we are down-right unbearable. It amazes me when I think about it.

The more time you spend in God’s presence and in His Word, the more you will find your own emotions and actions mirroring His. You will still have your moments, especially if most of your time is spent in the presence of a “two-year old.” When you do, remember you are God’s sweetheart. That is what matters most. So never be afraid or feel to guilty or embarrassed to once again call on God and ask Him to forgive you. Apologize to Him and to the person you sinned against and then put your sweet face back on knowing that you are still loved and you are still His sweetheart.

 

Lessons from Lia

Our daughter is turning one-year old. As her birthday approaches, I find myself reflecting more and more on the past year with her. I write this blog hoping that one day, when she is older, I will be able to share it with her so that she may learn all that the Lord has taught me through her. I pray that as you read this you will consider how much God loves you.

 

Dear Lia,

I sit here reflecting on the first year of your life. It was one of the sweetest times for me as your mom. I hope that I,  in some small way, reflected the love that God has for you with every word and deed.

For the past year, all you have needed to be happy is me. My face and touch are desired more than toys. You turn to me at the very sound of my voice. Laying in bed next to me is more desirable to you than cereal or morning cartoons. I am the sole source of your comfort and joy. I know it will not stay that way.

Already, as you have gotten older, I have found that I need to engage you more and more to keep your attention. You are not content to lay still and gaze upon my face for hours like you used to. So I make big expressions. I tickle and jiggle you. I blow raspberries on your belly and chubby neck. I play peek-a-boo, to try and hold your attention. I bring out stuffed animals and silly voices. I splash you with your bathtub water.  I’ll do just about anything to see your smile and hear you laugh. I love your smile and laugh.

I have nursed you all this time but had to begin supplementing with formula about two months ago. It is hard to nurse you now that you are more interested in the world around you. Just this week you stopped nursing all together. Before that you were down to only one nighttime sessions. I am now your sole source of comfort only when you are tired.

Of course, you still require changing often and so I have to clean up your messes, large and small, all throughout the day and night. What you have done, surprisingly to me, is shown the ability to do your business on the potty as long as I am faithful to bring you there when I can tell you need to go. You have been doing this for months and each time your dad or I have celebrated for you and sung songs of praise.

As I have been reflecting on all of these things, and many more, the Lord put it on my heart to write you a letter to tell you all about what He has taught me through you.  I pray you will grow up knowing these lessons:

• God loves you unconditionally, even more than I love you.

• I may fail you but He never will.

•  He will make big expressions, jiggle you up a bit, or play peek-a-boo with you, if you become unsatisfied with his peaceful presence. In fact, he will do just about anything to hold your attention, see you smile and hear you laugh.

• God loves to see you smile and hear you laugh.

• God loves to hold you in his arms and comfort you.

• God wants you to turn to him when you hear his voice.  If you don’t turn, you are either ignoring God or you may need to get your hearing checked.

• God wants you to draw near to him and read his Word, just as an infant drawing near to her mother for milk. You need his Word to grow.

• God will miss you when you get distracted by the world around you.

• God hears you when you call to him in the night. He understands your cries.

• Your curiosity does not make you bad, but it can get you in trouble.

• There is no place you get yourself stuck in that God will not come and rescue you.

• God enjoys you just as much when you are tired, if not more, than when you are busy at work or play.

• God does not give you everything you want because if he did it would hurt you.

• God does not mind cleaning up your messes. In fact, he is more than impressed, when you don’t make a mess.

• God loves it when you talk to him and is not concerned about whether your prayers sound like other, “better” prayers.

• Others will continue to see you as “good” if you continue to be content with every place God has placed you in and enjoy every person he places you with.

• God is anxious to see you start walking and accomplishing those tasks in Him that, so far, you have not been able to do.

I love you Lia. I thank God for you and all that He has taught me through you. I pray you grow to be a woman of great peace, beauty and strength. I pray you will always be close to the Lord and that you will never question His love for you.  May you be a bright shining light to those around you. Happy birthday sweet girl!

All my love,

Mommy

 

 

Tying the Knot

Have you ever tried to teach a young child how to tie their shoes? It is not an easy skill for most children to master. You can help teach a child by demonstrating the skill alongside the child. It may also help the child if you color one half of the lace with a marker to make the two sides easier to identify.

I have noticed with our six year-old son that the first step of tying the knot is always the easiest. The rest takes more work and patience. Regardless of how you teach it, there is usually one place in the process when it all falls apart. It happens when you try to tighten the bow by pulling each loop in two separate directions. Our son continues to come to me for help in this one step.

I cannot help but consider the process of marriage every time we go through the process of tying his shoes. It is easy to tie the knot. Problem is, if all you do is tie the knot, you are very likely to get tripped up and hurt. The two laces must be more intricately entwined and it is the same when it comes to two hearts. This is why marriage takes work and patience. It takes a willingness to bend over backward for your spouse. It takes a passion to continue to jump through hoops for your spouse.

Many couples have grown weary and traded in their, once coveted, shoes with laces. They return the Velcro days of two, totally independent straps, neither needing the other to be held together. Thank God that He has given us such a great demonstration of what love and patience should look like through the work of Jesus Christ. His death on the cross for us was the greatest demonstration of the self-sacrificing love needed to overcome anything that would cause a marriage to fall apart. By faith, we receive His love into our hearts so that we have the power to love like Him. It is our willingness to love our spouse as He demonstrated that matters most.

Go beyond tying the knot. Commit to make the double bow. Take time each day to entwine your heart with your spouse and entwine your heart with God. Strive to reach the point where your hearts are so closely tied together that it becomes difficult to identify where one ends and the other begins. Keep the laces and daily walk in something coveted and beautiful.

 

An enemy might be able to defeat one person, but two people can stand back-to-back to defend each other. And three people are even stronger. They are like a rope that has three parts wrapped together—it is very hard to break.  -Ecclesiastes 4:12 (ERV)

 

Hold My Hand

 

Time is so hard to grasp. There are seasons in life when time seems to have you stuck in place. Your heart longs to move quickly past the place where you are at, but time seems to hold you hostage and each day seems as the day before. Your endurance and faith are tested.

Then there are seasons when you cannot seem to slow time down.  You find yourself back at the dinner table in what feels like moments from finishing breakfast. Your heart aches to stay in the moment but time shows no regard. You are forced into tomorrow and yesterday is quickly fading in the distance. Your priorities and purpose are tested.

Many times I find myself teetering between both perspectives.  In fact, every day there comes a special time when my two perspectives collide. It happens as I sit on a plastic green stepping stool infront of our two-year-old daughter, who is sitting on the potty telling me, “Hold my hand.”  For whatever reason, each day she wants me to be there with her, holding her hand, as she grunts and holds her breath trying to accomplish her task. So I sit, once again, just as I did the day before, and the day before that. I sit stuck on a green plastic stool infront of a toilet waiting on a two-year-old child to do her business. Time, and I, sit still.

It is in that moment that the Lord has allowed me to catch a glimpse of my daughter that continues to challenge my perspective of time. In that moment, I imagine her much older,  grunting and trying to breathe her way through a very different task, the task of labor pains.  I imagine her and wonder, “Will you still want me holding your hand?”

I sit on my stool, and I hold her hand in a sweet moment that I know will be a distant memory faster than I can imagine. I know soon she will not need me or want me to hold her hand in the bathroom anymore.  My prayer is that I can somehow hold on to this moment in my heart and at the same time place in her heart a deep assurance that no matter what season in her life she is in, I will be willing to hold her hand.  So, I grasp her hand and I try to grasp a greater understanding of God-given time.  Am I making the most of my short time here on Earth with her and those who I love? Truly,  that is what matters most. 

 

Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. -Psalm 90:12

 

 

The Scratching Sound

 

It was the wee hours of the morning. My husband was out of the country with the military.   I was up writing on my bed. My young daughter had fallen asleep by my side. Suddenly I started to hear a scratching sound coming from behind my bed. It started faint and I tried to ignore it, but then I heard it again, “Scratch, scratch, tap, tap.” I thought, “It is probably just another bug scurrying across some paper.” I grabbed my husband’s shoe.

But then the scratching sound kept getting louder and louder. My heart started beating faster as I remembered my husband making mention of a rat he had seen run across our driveway a week earlier. A new thought popped in my mind, “What if it is not just a little bug? What if it is a rat?”

Moments later I had made up my mind, “It is a rat and if it is not a rat it is a huge bug that is going to jump out at me the moment I go to look for it.” Then in a moment of great valor I quickly evacuated my daughter out of the room. I shoved a towel under my bedroom door and then did the brave thing any grown woman with a husband gone would do. I called my mother.

My mom encouraged me and assured me, “A rat won’t keep moving about under your bed with you there. It’s probably just a bug scratching around in some papers. You are 5′4″ and with a broom in your hands you’d be a very scary adversary for a bug.”

At this point, I had become a refugee on my sofa, kicked from my homeland due to a frightening noise. We talked and prayed. I felt better and a bit ridiculous.

It was almost 5:00 a.m. but I couldn’t sleep. I had a potential rodent on the loose in my room. Then God mustered up my courage in me. I did what my momma said. I grabbed a broom and pushed the door open slowly. Next I grabbed my original other weapon of choice, my husband’s shoe.

I saw no sign of rat droppings and heard no scratching sound. I walked on top of my bed and with a big breath (and my big broom and big shoe) investigated behind the headboard… nothing. Next, I got as far back from my bed as I could and got down on my belly- a move I considered quite brave- and lifted the bed skirt with the end of my broom… no rat. I did find two crinkled papers and my daughter’s missing shoe that had been missing for some time.

Then I saw the origin of all my fears making its way up my bed skirt, only two feet away from where my daughter had been resting. I quickly knocked it down to the carpet and assaulted it with my husband’s shoe. It laid there in shock- still moving. It was not a rat or a large bug. It was an embarrassingly small bug.

I stared at that bug and considered how I was God’s daughter. I thought of my ”my walk” with Christ.  There I was, filled with fear over some small bug.  I was like a child walking around with a missing shoe. I thought to myself,  ”How can I walk in power and peace if I walk in doubt and fear?”  I thought of how I took hold of my husband’s shoe, and questioned, “Am I truly taking a hold of God’s Word?” I thought of how I lifted up that broom to face my fears and questioned, “What am I lifting up when it comes to the big fears in my life? Am I lifting up words of praise and faith or words of fear?   Do I have faith that God will sweep away my fears?”

In that moment, I knew that this tiny bug was God’s way of teaching me some big lessons. How funny and clever God is with His lessons. He exposes our weaknesses not to crush us, but to make us stronger, and that is what matters most.

 

“That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:10 NIV

 

Racing the Ghost

My boys continue to love to play racing games on our Wii. I have been watching their skills improve since we first got the system. My favorite race to watch them race is when they race against their own best time. In Mario Kart Wii they call it racing against the ghost. When the race begins you find yourself racing against yourself. You can see every move you made. You see every great turn. You see every mistake. You see it all and you have the chance to pass your ghost by and set a new record.

Our eight year-old son is pretty clever. He quickly realized that he could intentionally race poorly on his first try in order to win the race against himself on the next go. He would intentionally make wrong turns and slam into walls in order to set a low standard for himself that would be easy to surpass. Our six year old son however has not figured out this method of “winning.” He instead tries his best each time to beat the time he set before. Sometimes when he fails to beat his best time he gets discouraged.

As I watch them I cannot help but consider how we all race the ghost. Had I have had my eight year-old’s strategy earlier in my life, I would have done things differently. I would have left more laundry undone and more dishes in the sink in the beginning of my marriage. I would have cooked even worse than I did (if that is even possible) and been a whole lot less involved in my church. I could have set myself up for success! Of course, I am joking.

I prefer my six-year old’s strategy. I try daily to do my best. I don’t always get tasks done as quickly as my ghost, but I am staying the course, learning new tricks, discovering new turns, and stopping to enjoy the scenery. The time it takes me to put away my laundry and dishes may be increasing, but so is my faith and love. For this reason, as I continue racing the ghost I take heart because I am convinced that in the end my faith and love will be the records that matter most.

Revelation 2:19
I know your deeds, your love and faith, your service and perseverance, and that you are now doing more than you did at first.

 

Overwhelmed

Every now and then I find myself unveiling a piece of my heart in my writing that I don’t necessarily feel comfortable revealing. This is one those times.  I wanted to share in total transparency my thoughts from earlier today. My hope is that by doing so other parents will see that they are not alone in their frustrations and that there is a way to refocus in those moments when you are totally overwhelmed…

 

 

2:22 p.m., Today

“I am so far behind in laundry that I have an entire pack-n-play filled with laundry to fold, a full load in the wash and in the dryer and four more loads to run.The sink is overflowing with dirty dishes and the dishwasher needs emptied. There are toys and blankets, video tapes, shoes, crayons, cheerios, and smashed carrots covering the floor.

I have stacks and stacks of paper to file.  Many letters still unopened. Tons of homeschool papers needing graded and kids sitting at the table ready to start another lesson. I didn’t write my first graders lesson plan yet.

I need to list events on our company website. They should have been listed yesterday. Two year old is roaming. Baby is fussing. Older boys picking at each other and being loud.

I ate lunch standing up. Four pieces of a quesadilla. One piece as I was making everyone else’s. Another on the way to taking my daughter to sit on the potty.  Another after wiping her bottom. One in between running loads of laundry.

This is my life.

Dear God, I need you to overwhelm me. Pile on sweet moments of profound awareness of your love. Scatter your blessings everywhere I walk. Store up sweet words for me, may you send more and more each day.  Speak to me loudly as I wait for your plans for me to be revealed. Overwhelm me with your peace, a sense of place and order when everything around me is hectic and out-of-place. I love you Lord. May your love overwhelm me more than anything in this world because your love for me is what matters most.”

 

Follow Him

My husband and I met each other in Hawaii when we were only thirteen and fifteen years old. I fell “in love” with him.  Nowadays my husband mostly goes by the name Alex, but not back then. He was Tito. He was soft spoken, mysterious, generous, and (dare I say) romantic. (Now with kids of our own, I see why my dad was up in arms.)  Tito was athletic and courteous, a good listener and friend.  Above all, he was trustworthy and dependable.  All the things I needed at that point in my life. I wanted to follow him wherever he went.

Our time together was cut short after my parents divorced. I moved to New Jersey.  He later moved back to Panama, the country where he was from. There was no following him home. The fact that our paths had ever crossed in the first place was amazing.  We had one short year together and that year was like a small rock being thrown into the lake of destiny, leaving ripples that would never end.

Fast forward six years. I sat watching a show on “long lost loves.”  Something inside me stirred and I thought, “I’ve got to find him.” I searched the internet for what felt like hours and finally found a profile that sounded like it could be him. I was not sure that it was, so I sent an email saying, “If this is you please write me back.” He did.

Only four weeks later, I had moved out of my father’s house and traveled all the way across the country to follow him.  When I moved to be with him, it was not working.  I wanted to get married.  He did not.  I was serious.  He was not.  We were barely getting by and things were going from bad to worse.  Then God sent an angel.

Now whether this woman was truly an angel, we will never know.  But to me she always will be.  One night, when we were visiting friends, Tito had gone out to play tennis with a buddy.  Hours had passed and he still wasn’t back.  I was irritated and so I took off to go looking for him.

I could see him slowly walking toward me in the glow of the street lights. I was mad. As he got closer I started my verbal onslaught, “Where were you!?  His answer, “I was in a woman’s car.” “What!?” I snapped back. “What do you mean, you were in a car with a woman?” He looked the least bit fazed by my fury. “Relax, she was old,” he replied. “That doesn’t matter! She could of had a gun!” I retorted. In a perfectly clam voice he said to me, “You have no idea what happened tonight. I don’t want to talk right now.” My mind was racing. He was acting strange and somewhat distant. What could have happened? All I knew is he had been gone for a long time. It was late and he had confessed to being in the car of an older woman. Was I about to be dumped for some older woman?

I could tell something had happened to Alex.  His entire persona was different.  He had a calmness and certainty about him that was unusual for his character to say the least.

We walked in silence back to our car. We sat in silence for a few minutes. Looking straight ahead he began talking in a slow quite voice, “Something happened tonight. I was playing tennis.  Jared (who he had been playing with) got tired so he left.  Since I got beat so bad I thought I’d hang around and practice my serve.  Then I saw this older lady come out of a white car.  She came up to the tennis court and just stood there watching me.  At one point she yelled, ‘Nice serve!’ I said, ‘Thanks… (he then mumbled in a low voice) crazy lady.’ She stood there for so long that I thought either she had to leave or I was going to leave. Then I hit a ball that flew right out of the court and it landed right by her feet.  She picked it up and walked it straight to me. She handed me the ball and said, ‘I am here tonight because you have a divine appointment.  God has his hands on you and he wants you.’”

He proceeded to tell me that the woman had told him every thing about himself that no one could know. She told him that the Lord told her to go to a certain tennis court because there was someone there that the Lord wanted her to speak to. She asked him why he wasn’t married and told him he needed to be and asked him into her car to pray for him and read to him something from her Bible.  He repented.  He asked Jesus to be his Lord. He prayed to receive the Holy Spirit. Then she was gone.

He looked me square in the eyes and said, “Charity, I have decided to give my life to the Lord.  You are either on the boat or you can pack your bags and go back home.” I remember thinking, “What a relief! I am not getting dumped!  I just had to give my life to give my life to Jesus, whatever that means. I can do that.” He then continued, “On Monday, we are going to go down to the courthouse and get married.”  I thought, “Woo hoo! Double bonus! Not only am I not getting dumped, we are finally getting married! Following this Jesus is already looking like a pretty great deal!” That night I decided to allow Jesus Christ to be the Lord of my life. Alex led me in the same prayer that the woman had prayed with him.

We were young. We were broke. We were not done our schooling. We did not have established careers.  We had no plan other than to follow the Lord and that is what mattered most. Over the past ten years our love and our family has grown larger than I could have ever expected. Time and time again we have had to change our plans. We have been blessed by God because we have continued to stick to the only plan and purpose that never fails, “Follow Him.”


Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails. -Proverbs 19:21

 

Whack the Bad

As our three boys get older, I continue to be fascinated by their emerging personalities.
Our eight year-old is cautious. He always has been. He loves reading and is innately
protective, which are great personality traits for the oldest of five siblings to have.

Our six year-old son is extremely inquisitive and observant. He also is a conservationist.
Whether it be a broken tricycle seat or a trapped moth, if something can be saved he is
going to attempt to save it. He exudes a love of life and an energy level that will leave
you in awe.

Our four year-old son is bold in every way. He rides atop my legs in the classic game
of “airplane” with a hold that goes unrivaled. I shake, tip and rock him in every direction
possible, but that boy is going nowhere. He stays glued, determined to set a new record
for the longest airplane ride on momma’s legs.

When the three of our boys interact it is always an entertaining scene. The other night
our oldest son noticed a spider. He was concerned over what type it was and whether or
not it was poisonous. Our second son leaned in to get a good look and try to determine
how to remove the spider without killing it. Suddenly, from clear across the other side of
our kitchen, their young brother opened our spoon drawer, grabbed a ladle and charged
in. With a loud, “HI-YA” he quickly slammed down the ladle and whacked the poor thing
clear across the other side of the room. Our oldest boys and I stood, wide-eyed at the
sight. There was nothing more to do but laugh.

Watching our boys’ emerging personalities is a true joy. They make mistakes and have
flaws, but that is not what matter most. Good traits and good times. Those are what
matter most. Mistakes can be forgiven. There is grace for flaws. Whack out the bad. Hold
on to the good. Hold on to it like a four year-old boy determined to set the record for the
longest airplane ride on momma’s legs.

Philippians 4:8
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

 

Google is Not God

The other night after bedtime, our boys wanted me to stay in their room with them to answer all of their burning questions about fishing, death, heaven, the universe, stars, our spinning planet, surgeries, and more.

“Why am I not good at fishing?”

 ”How do you get the catfish off the line and then cook it?”

“Is God alone in heaven?”

“Who is in heaven?”

“How far away is heaven?”

“What is a star made of?”

“Can a star hit our planet?”

“Is our planet really spinning? Why don’t we feel it?”

“What do doctors use to cut people?”

“How do they put the part they cut open back together?”

“Is that how the doctor got us out of you?

“What is happening to your body when you are sleeping?”

I answered all their questions as best as I could. Then I told them, “I am not God. I don’t know all the answers.” My oldest son answered, “But you have google.” I could not help but smile to myself.

That is the problem with our generation- we seek more answers from Google than God. We think we can find out the answer to every question simply by going online and doing some research.  We seek. We find. We trust. Most of the time we have no clue who is even providing the information that we are trusting.  Still, we will believe and take action based on the answers we find.

I believe in research, doctors and Google. I just believe in God more.  Google gives you possibilities. God’s Word gives you certainties.  When you are seeking answers to the hard questions you can try Google. You can find tons of information on nearly everything you want to know.  You will find many opinions and “facts” that absolutely matter.  Just keep in mind that in the end, what God says matters most. Seek the answers to the really hard questions by praying and studying God’s word. Teach your kids to seek God more than Google.

 

Psalm 33:4
For the word of the LORD is right and true; he is faithful in all he does