I recently read a list titled, “25 Manners Every Kid Should Know by Age 9” that was published on a parenting website. Overall the list was great, teaching essential manners that children should learn in order to be respectful and respectable human beings. There was only one rule that concerned me when I read it and it was written as follows: “The world is not interested in what you dislike. Keep negative opinions to yourself, or between you and your friends, and out of earshot of adults.”
I can image that this rule was implemented to fight off rude comments from children and thereby embarrassing moments for their parents. Yet, teaching children to not verbalize their dislikes is not only wrong it is dangerous. (Think of child abuse and bullying.) And telling a child, “The world is not interested in what you dislike” is a lie.
The truth is: The world is very interested in what people dislike. Movie and food critics make a living. New
polls are created every day. Almost every product we buy has a number to call for comments. Why? Because the world desires improvement. Change for the better can’t come without acknowledging the worse. A child who is taught to respectfully communicate their dislikes can grow to become an instrument of positive change in our world.
How then do you ward off embarrassing moments? With my older kids I ask that they tell me privately what they dislike about something or someone. This way I can correct them privately with verbalizing their feelings in a respectable and receivable manner before they share their feelings with others. With my younger children I have learned that embarrassment is inevitable. Issuing correction immediately helps prevent future episodes. For example, if my child says, “I don’t want it! It’s disgusting!” I correct my child saying, “No, thank you.’” Likewise, if a child were to say, “I hate you!” The correction could be, “I am upset with you because…” Investigate your child’s feelings to help them fill in the blank.
It is a continuous correction process and a parent must set the example in his or her own words and actions. I can think of many, many times when I have made a poor example in this area simply because I did not go first to my Heavenly Father with my own dislikes.
My hope is that as I welcome my children’s negativity and guide their speech and actions, I am reflecting the very nature of their Heavenly Father. He cares about all of our feelings and wants to guide us in all of our ways. I want my children to know that their feelings matter and that learning how to express all their feelings with good manners is what matters most.
I pour out before him my complaint; before him I tell my trouble. -Pslam 142:2
