There have been days when I convinced myself that all I needed was some rest and “me time”. I slept into the afternoon and journeyed out of the house alone, but upon returning I still felt irritable and tired. In fact, I felt worse. It seemed the more “me time” I got, the more “me time” I wanted. I resented having to wake up. I resented having to come home. I resented not getting the time “I deserved.” It was through this vicious cycle that I realized I did not need “me time’; I needed “He time”. I needed time focusing on the Lord and His desires instead of focusing on me and my desires.
Doesn’t sound like the advice that most of the moms out there would give does it? The usual advice for the overwhelmed, tired and burnt-out mom is, “You need some me time.” And while it is true that moms do need rest and some time away from their kids, whether alone or with friends or with their husband, that does not mean that time away from your kids is the solution. When rest and “me time” fail what do you do?
I found that once I began to focus on the Lord’s desire to show his love to my kids through me and His desire to reveal his love for me through my kids I was able to once again enjoy being with my kids. I realized that a continuous desire to be away from kids was a continuous desire to be apart from the love of God moving in my life.
I found myself praying, “Lord, I need you. Here is where I stop. Lord, PLEASE take over. I need you to speak when I want to yell. I need you to move this body when I want to stay in bed. I need you to love on my kids when all I want to do is love on me. Alone I cannot do this but with your strength I can do all things (Philippians 4:13). I can love like you have called me to love because it is YOU loving THROUGH me.” (It is a prayer that I still need to pray on a regular basis.)
I took time to seek God through his word. I opened my bible randomly to a passage I love (Isaiah 54). He once again revealed His love for me. His heart is so much bigger than mine. I was reminded that He is in me. I once again felt “charged” and ready to lay my own desires aside and allow Him to use me to reveal his love for my children and to use my children to reveal His love for me. I found rest not in extra hours of sleep or in time alone, I found rest in him. I learned that “He time” is so much better than “me time”, and that time with Him is what matters most.
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. -Galatians 2:20
