My youngest son was eager to color one afternoon. He sat with his coloring page and markers and proceeded to scribble a variety of colors all over his page, which happened to have on it the outline of a mother holding her child. When he was done he handed me the picture with its array of colors, none of which “stayed in the lines”. He then looked me in the eyes and sincerely asked me, “Is it beautiful?”
My heart melted. I could see his desire was to please me and I knew he had done his best. Though his coloring was not anything like his older brothers’ works which hung on the wall behind him, I could see that it many ways it was far more beautiful. His work was done with passion and enthusiasm, and as I looked at his picture I did not see the scribbles but instead the child who anxiously sat at the table and tried his best. I also knew that with time his coloring would only improve as long as he did not quit. So I answered him in all sincerity, “Yes, it is beautiful.” I then hung his picture on the wall next to “the greats”.
Sometimes I can’t help but feel like I am making a mess of parenting. At times, I am all over the place. Other times, I overstep the line. In those moments all I can see is how far off I am from where I think I should be. I want so badly to “do it right” and yet some how once again I do it wrong. I have this image of what being a great mom looks like and I am so eager to be her and yet many times all I can see is that I am no where near that image.
As I hung up my son’s picture that evening I felt a surge of hope and comfort. God knows my heart. He knows what I am capable of and what I am not. He sees me for who I truly am even when I do not. I believe that what I see as a mess, he sees as something truly beautiful. In time I will become more and more like the mom I picture if I don’t give up. In the meanwhile, I just need to see myself as he sees me because that is what matters most.
For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart. – 1 Sam. 16:7
